Caring is at the Heart of It All

I have not blogged since my brother passed away two months ago. But I feel a little more like writing now and I thought to tackle a subject that my brother actually excelled at and that is the art of being personable.

Our dad was always a cut-up with people, friendly and chatty with people at the check out counter, in a restaurant, anywhere. Our mother was more suspicious, I think, less likely to strike up a conversation with someone or to let her guard down – though when she got older, more confident perhaps, that changed and she too was a personable woman. So it makes sense that my brothers and I are similar. But my brother Mark was a “give you the shirt off his back” kind of guy. He was a true listener, he would let out a great laugh if you told him something funny, he would give you his heart if you told him something sad and he would stop and admire everything that is beautiful in the world when he saw it and point it out to you so you wouldn’t miss it. He would tell people what he loved about them, he was fearless and wonderful. I will miss him forever.

Eye Contact

I went to Whole Foods on Sunday and enjoyed a few moments in the check out line with the young man who was ringing up my purchases. He looked me straight in the eye when he greeted me, such that I realized I was already shifting my gaze away, stopped and dragged it back. I did this because I realized he was really trying to be in the moment and connect with who he was interacting with right then. He wasn’t just throwing out the perfunctory greeting while focusing on sliding my eggplants onto the scale. He was, in fact, doing his job with the items, but still greeting me in a very friendly, “human on the planet relating to another human” sort of way. I realized that eye contact and actual connection like that, are a huge part of enjoying each moment of your day. I’m trying harder to include it in mine.

Listening

I’m also trying to improve my listening skills. How do you be a better listener? You actually listen to the speaker, rather than running your inner commentary while they’re talking. “What the hell does he mean by that?, Where did I leave my keys? If she thinks I’m going to buy that, she can think again. What is my son doing over there in the corner? Man I’m hungry. Etc…. 

Smiling

We bump into people every day, every where and not everyone is having their best day. Sometimes they glare at you, snap at you or are a little curt. That’s not your fault or anything you can fix, but it doesn’t have to make you feel sad or angry. Maybe if we just smile, we’ll see it turn their day around a little, and then your smile will grow inward and make you feel good too. It’s a win, win! I will keep shooting for it anyway because if you smile in the forest and there’s no one around to see you smile, did you really smile? Who cares?! Keep on smiling!

So I’m everywhere on this blog – out of practice, but the point is – what came so easily to my brother, can be obtained I think, by us all if we just practice these common courtesies, live in the moment and stop to smell the roses. In our school, I'm comfortable and these things come easily. Outside of my comfort zone is where I need to really work on these principles. Caring is at the heart of it all.